On Self-Confidence (and my lack thereof)

So here’s a little secret people are always surprised to learn about me: there are times when my self-confidence is way in the red.

I think I must fake it well to people who work with me at school or church or in volunteer activities. And I’m a theatre girl, so folks are also quick to assume that means loads of confidence because the stage doesn’t scare me.

Wrong. Truthfully, deep down, I love that stage because on it I’m someone besides myself. And of course I look confident in a classroom; it’s just a smaller stage and I’m not intimidated by twelve year olds. Usually.

But in real life? Not a lot of confidence. Not in myself as a mother, as a writer, as a friend….

It’s become a daily prayer and a daily habit to revoke these feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness because my God has called me to be confident in Him and He has given me gifts and talents that require a belief in myself before they can be used for His glory and His purpose.

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So, I’m stepping out in confidence that this is what I’m supposed to do, and although it terrifies me a bit to attach the title “writer” to my name, to change this domain URL to fit a new purpose, to see my byline in print in the local newspaper, and to have a photograph made of just me, I’m doing it.

I put on makeup today. I fixed my hair. I chose my shirt thoughtfully and then I strove diligently to keep it snot free.

And I had a headshot done.

It’s amazing how good a bit of mascara, a new sweater, and a talented photographer can make me feel. I look at this photograph and I see the person I want to be: joyful, talented, confident.

I’m praying I don’t forget.