Looking Back and Moving Forward

December 7, 2015 Lindsey P. BrackettLeave a comment

Found this sitting in my drafts folder from almost exactly a year ago.

When our diagnosis was still AVM, when we were still being told surgery would be an “easy fix” (don’t you just love doctors’ optimism?!?) and had no idea that one year later, our daughter would still struggle.

There are good days and bad days and in-between days. Sometimes I still sit in the school parking lot and cry. But this line breaks my heart when I read back over and remember our darkest moments of this time: I can’t suit up for this fight with everyone watching. I think the biggest lie I bought during that time was the idea that I had to be strong. Instead my kids have learned more about trusting God from my inept brokenness than I ever could have taught them by faking my way through the fear.

Yesterday started with Amelia refusing to wear shoes to school. We’re in the parking lot of her tiny little Christian school at a tiny little church in the middle of the country with the mountains all around and I’m throwing her backpack and saying, “Well, fine, then. Stay home. I don’t care.”

Except I really, really did.

I don’t know how to walk this line. How to parent her through this time in our lives without caving to every little whim (she ate gummies for breakfast by the way). I don’t know how to discipline my child with the “slightly bleeding arterial abnormality” in her brain. I don’t want to yell, but I still need to be the mama. I don’t want to be selfish, but I still need a little bit of time for myself. I can’t suit up for this fight with everyone watching.

She didn’t go to school. Of course it was my one four hour block in the week where everyone goes to school and I keep “office hours” with the free wi-fi in Chic-fil-a and try to write. But another mama came to my rescue. Hers weren’t going either. They all played hooky at her house and ate funnel cakes at 10:30 a.m.

Don’t judge us. Sometimes everyone just needs a little break.

{Maybe I should insert here that our Sunday School Christmas party was the night before and it was at least 10 p.m. before anyone went to bed. Sort of explains the morning meltdowns.}

But when that break is over, reality is still there. My big girls are still in need of attention, the dishes still have to be done, and we’ve got a plumber bill coming to go with the new pipes in the bathroom.

And then apparently I ran out of steam…

What moments from this past year are you dwelling on as Christmas draws near?

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Waiting for the Fog to Lift

December 2, 2015December 2, 2015 Lindsey P. Brackett5 Comments

The fog creeps in at night and lays a shroud over our morning. Warm air has banked in underneath this gray day and I’m wrapped in a cocoon of quiet as I strain past headlights in the dim white while I drive the little man to school.

For once he doesn’t shout or scream or holler and sing. He’s still and my mind races and I beg for the morning to go by slow. There is much work to be done and many words writing their way across my heart.

And there are those tears I shed, falling softly down my cheeks like the rain outside my window, tears I cried over the top of my youngest daughter’s dark head this morning while she wept on my shoulder and I faced the reminder again that our life right now is this hard, uphill battle always.

We plateaued a bit and coasted on routine and rhythm. Then last week she couldn’t grasp her cup and I mopped milk and hardwood floors everyday.

I drive through the misting fog and know this is how we’re covered.

Wrapped. Shrouded. Blanketed. Warmed.

Unable to see that clear view from the mountaintop, a life of endless possibility and wonder stretching out before us in green rolling hills and lush pastures and skies as blue as a dream, we instead peer through a gauzy haze and can only see the here. The now. The right this very moment.

And because we’re held so close, we cannot be afraid of what we cannot see. We can only be grateful for where we’ve already been and wait for the fog to lift.

Friends, we continue to covet your prayers for our Amelia and what is hopefully her healing journey from a neurological disorder that lingers in so many little ways.

You can read about that here and here.

Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee and #TellHisStory.

Christmas · Uncategorized

What I’m Crushing on for Christmas

November 24, 2015November 28, 2015 Lindsey P. Brackett22 Comments

I know. It’s still two days before Thanksgiving. But y’all. There’s shipping to consider and handmade gifts from busy moms who are also entrepreneurs are well worth a little early shopping.

And crushing.

These items are on my favorites list for Etsy and Santa. Hoping you’ll find something to love–and just know purchasing from these shops directly funds small businesses with big dreams and great goals. Like empowering women, adopting children, and trusting the creative spirit that enlivens us all.

And there’s a little something for you at the end.

For My Tree…

I love these seriously sweet ornaments from One Less Lonely Child (formerly Black Tag Studio). We bought one last year for our tree, and this year I’m giving a couple as gifts. But the real gift is that your purchase helps fund my friends Lance and Julia’s adoption of Zara from Uganda.

For My Walls…

This wall statement has been on my list since Jennifer, 163 Design Company owner and designer, was my roommate at the Allume Conference in 2013. She and her parents handcraft these gorgeous pieces of jewelry and home decor from their home in Maine, but don’t let the address fool you. Jenn’s a southern girl at heart. Hence one of her newest creations that needs to find its way to my kitchen, Sweet Tea and Grits. And I’m forever in love with my necklace–Well With My Soul of course.

For My Kitchen…

My family is seriously talented, y’all. My beautiful cousin, Jocie, launched her own business this year making her passion–beautiful, unique, and functional pottery pieces as Jocie Pots. For my sister’s wedding, she pressed lace from the invitation into individual pieces for us, in addition to being our florist and designer. She’s got a cake stand standing by for me, and I’m thinking some of those perfect size mugs need to make their way into my cabinet as well. Because the only way to prepare for edits on my first book is with lots and lots of coffee.

For My Laptop…

When we were graced with a gift that enabled me to purchase my own laptop this year, I went on a search for the perfect bag to accompany me to writers conferences (like FWCW and BRMCWC) and to my weekly “office”, a booth at our local Chic-Fil-A.

I’ve yet to make this purchase, but when I do, I’m hoping it’s the 13″ laptop sleeve with leather strap from Better Life Bags. This company’s vision is why I’d be willing to shell out big bucks for a quality bag I can use for a lifetime. Every piece is hand-sewn by a woman in the Detroit area with a barrier against traditional employment.

For My Kids…

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My sister, Katy, will monogram anything that stands still. But how cute are these shirts? She’ll make you anything you want with the use of her heat press and a roll of glittery (or not) vinyl. That softball shirt cracks me up because we actually had a sister who played softball, so some of us didn’t have a life outside of tournaments. She can customize, so you just insert your passion. Right now ours would credit community theater, but come spring it will definitely be all about the track. You can find Katy hanging out on Facebook way too much as BoardHouseWife Crafts.

Now onto the real reason you read to the bottom of this post–

GIVEAWAY!

Julia will be giving away a personalized swirl ornament, Katy will monogram you a leather cuff, and if you’re local and order from Jocie Pots, I’ll make the trip to pick up your goodies so you don’t have to worry about shipping. (Well that last one’s just a freebie for all.)

Just leave me a comment here on the blog about what’s on your Christmas Wish List–and if you pin this to Pinterest or share on Facebook and tell me, you’ll be entered twice!

I’ll choose the winner by random selection on Black Friday. Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and may the cash be with you.

Comments closed! The winner is Hannah Hall! Congrats!

Recipes · Uncategorized

Friday Night Pizza

November 20, 2015November 20, 2015 Lindsey P. Brackett2 Comments

We make pizza on Friday nights.

And by “we”, I usually mean me. Last week I made the mistake of letting Gus make his own without the extra hands of a daddy (who was late coming home from work) and I nearly lost my mind.

Three year olds do not understand the moderation of mozzarella.

Letting them help–eight little hands with four different ideas–doesn’t always come easily to me. I do much better when I’m in charge and they’re occupied with something else. You know, like Netflix.

But Friday Night Pizza has become our family tradition, our tiny constant in a world of great upheaval, and letting them rock my sanity (and drop olives on my kitchen floor) is part of this sacred sharing of life.

I knead my dough and spread homemade sauce and arrange pepperoni with methodical measures that bring order to the chaos constantly surrounding my days and invading my mind. For half an hour on Friday nights, I block out everything but the ratio of cheese to meat to vegetables and my only concern is sliding the pizza from the board to the stone in one smooth move.

And I realize how perfectly executed is our world, the falling of the leaves and the changing of the tides and the pricking of the stars in the darkest nights. And I remember, even as I long to make my tiny creation perfect without the imprints of impatient little hands, that my great God lets me create with Him.

Children. Words. And even pizza.

Tell me what are your favorite family traditions? and favorite pizza toppings?

5b642-060 — Hmmm…I should take some new pictures since I have fancier equipment now. But it still tastes the same!

Our Favorite Pizza Recipe

One recipe Pioneer Woman’s Pizza Dough
1/2 cup Best Tomato Sauce Ever
1/2 cup (each) chopped black olives, diced peppers, chopped mushrooms
12-15 slices turkey pepperoni
1/2 cup browned Italian Sausage
1-1 1/2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese (tip: shred your own 8 oz block)

Make dough according to directions. Divide in half and roll out on a pizza board sprinkled liberally with cornmeal. Spread sauce on dough. Top with vegetables and sausage. Sprinkle cheese to desired preference. Top with pepperoni. Transfer to pizza stone in preheated oven. (Make sure there is plenty of cornmeal under the dough and it should slide right off your board or cookie sheet and onto the stone.) Bake at 500 degrees for 7 minutes until crust is lightly browned and cheese melted.

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What I Will Tell My Kids about Paris

November 16, 2015 Lindsey P. Brackett1 Comment

Nothing.

So far, that’s what I’ve told my kids about Paris.

I’m never sure just how much they need to know. I’m never sure just how much they deserve to know.

They’ve heard from friends that ISIS is here. That because we are Christians they’ll come after us. But they believe me so utterly, so completely, when I say we’ll be okay that the conversation is quickly lost in the next recounting of playground drama.

I’ve always tried to fill their world with light. With fairy tales and superheroes and sweet love stories on Hallmark. We watch and read as characters overcome hardships and we talk a little about what always gives them a happily ever after.

Love. It’s the only one way to combat fear.

Ironic isn’t it? Paris, the city of love. A place renowned for sparking happiness, romance, and joy.

A place known for an underground movement that never caved to hate.

I think that’s what I’ll tell them. That hate is never stronger than love. That suicide bombers and gunman who come in the name of God do not come in the name of Jesus.

I’ll tell them the same thing I said after Sandy Hook: We have to live and be and love and weep and pray. For every bad guy, there’s a hero who overcomes.

I want to raise heroes. Warriors. Light bearers.

So I will tell them about Paris. And I will tell them about Jesus. And I will tell them we live in a world that is full of evil–BUT–