What Makes a Marriage

November 9, 2015November 9, 2015 Lindsey P. Brackett1 Comment

A few weekends ago, we gave away my nineteen year old sister.

12190798_10208274736611325_8693646819068934414_n — When you’re the youngest of seven children, it’s perfectly normal to have ten nieces and nephews participate in your big day.

Young, and as innocent as she is worldly, she’s known for a long time her heart belongs to a four-wheeling country boy I’ve hardly ever heard speak. So my daddy walked her down an aisle of grass amidst a backdrop of autumn, and gave her over to a young man who must have been shaking in his boots when he asked permission.

Because respecting your wife sometimes starts with respecting her daddy.

I declined the title bridesmaid; after all, there are six of us sisters and I wanted to choose my own dress. But when she asked me how I’d like to participate, I didn’t hesitate.

While the sun shone and the wind blew, with the sky for a cathedral, I spoke about the sacredness of promises made.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Even when Monday morning is running late, and one kid can’t find her shoes, and someone forgot to wash the socks.

Love is not jealous or boastful. Even when you’re right, and he’s wrong.

Love bears all things. Yes, young couple, remember that. Love puts up with temper tantrums and ugly fights that can’t always be undone. Love bears the load of worry and fear and panic when the gurney holds one of you—

Or one of your children.

Love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I told them they think today is the happiest day of their lives. Today they’re committing to a physical and spiritual intertwining, and they’re surrounded by family and friends, so today love is easy. Today hope is easy.

But a wedding is really just an ending of the lives they’ve known and the beginning of the one life they will create.

A wedding is not the happiest day.

Instead, that happiest day will come upon you in the most ordinary of moments. That’s the endurance of love. When you wake up and look around and realize you’re surrounded by little people and loads of laundry and life.

On that day you realize this is what a marriage is. It’s not fancy flowers and yards of lace. It’s not white chairs and first dances.

A marriage is not “I do”. A marriage is “I will.”

A marriage happens because you get up every day and promise that person you love (but sometimes dislike) that you will, all over again. You will when the bills are overdue, and the dishes stack high, and you can’t remember the last time he brought you flowers.

Love never fails.

Because love is an action, a conscious doing, not a state of being. Love requires work, sacrifice, the molding of yourself to another person. That is how you build a marriage. That is how you create a life. That is how you make your happily ever after.

But these three remain: faith, hope, and love. An endless circle, like those rings exchanged. Love begets faith, and faith begets hope.

And the greatest of these is love.

A version of this originally appeared in The Northeast Georgian, October 23, 2015.

Professional photography courtesy of Candice Holcomb Photography.

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One Way I Get It “All Done” (and get free stuff!)

November 3, 2015November 3, 2015 Lindsey P. Brackett2 Comments

I’m cracking open my Robert Frost lately for writing inspiration and a slower pace. This line resonates in my soul right now even though October flew the coop this weekend and left behind that non-stop rush toward all. things. holiday.

O hushed October morning mild,
Begin the hours of this day slow.

Begin the hours of this day slow. Yes, please.

In my critique group last week one of my fellow writers commented that she just doesn’t know how I find time to write and mother and you know, do all the things. I’ve been pondering on that a little this week as I wrapped up 31 Days and listed some story ideas for National Novel Writing Month.

Truth is, in order to write like I do, I’ve had to let some other things go. Big things. Like dishes. And laundry. And clean floors. And couponing.

But my go-to solution for the busy season of my life right now–in which no morning seems to creep in slow–has been ePantry. That one decision to jump on the bandwagon and order cleaning supplies online, supplies that don’t make me question if I’m heaping toxins onto my kids, has helped me freshen my house in less time and with less stress.

Our chore chart helps with that too.

This week ePantry is offering my readers the opportunity to get festive–and get clean–with Mrs. Meyer’s Seasonal scents. Available in Cranberry, Orange Clove and Iowa Pine so you can imagine yourself in that yellow wood of Frost’s while in reality, you’re doing the everyday drudgery of a blessed life.

Sign up for ePantry this week and receive a Mrs. Meyer’s hand soap, dish soap, multi-surface cleaner for free with a $20 minimum purchase. That’s a $20 value which is pretty good payment for five minutes of shopping between school pickup and Christmas play rehearsal.

When you sign up, ePantry will ask you a few questions to help predict what you and your family need and how often. Then, each month, ePantry sends a reminder email before your order ships so you can easily review and customize it. Especially during the holidays, I am grateful for reminders!

How ePantry Works in 5 Simple Steps:

Sign up for ePantry through my referral link. ePantry is offering the lovely Mrs. Meyer’s 3 piece set free to my favorite readers who sign up through my referral link!

Answer a few quick questions about your family and how clean your home is (be honest)! This only takes about 30 seconds and customizes your first basket.

Once you’ve answered the questions, you can finalize the basket of products ePantry and I have tailored to your needs or you can create your own basket of awesome products by adding or removing. For some of my favorites, check out this post.

To receive this offer your order needs to total $20. Choose the combination of products and scents you want to receive in your first box for all your holiday cleaning needs.

You made it! Click finish & pay, place your order. Then wait for the mailman.

Already hooked on ePantry? Existing customers click here to get a free seasonal hand soap in your next order.

Don’t forget this special offer is only available until November 19 or while stocks last.

And while you’re online treat yourself to a little poetry. Because life is more than just getting it all done.

This post contains affiliate links that buy me coffee while I’m writing, but opinions are 100% my own. Always.

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3.1 Things I’ve Learned from #31Days

November 1, 2015 Lindsey P. Brackett1 Comment

c904b-mvc-100s — That’s my now 11 year old baby in the pumpkins her first Halloween. Time doesn’t fly, y’all. It sprints on ahead and dares you to keep up.

I truly love the #31days movement. Really, I do.

I just can’t do it.

I managed it (somehow!) in 2013. 31 posts in 31 days on one topic. I was proud of that effort. So maybe that’s why I just don’t have the heart for it here anymore. For one thing, this space for words competes with all my other spaces. Like the Splickety Publishing Group, where I get to edit really great stories and work with really great people. Or the short fiction world which has welcomed me so warmly already that I fear there’s a slew of rejection slips just waiting for my name. Or the hometown newspaper that puts my words in real ink and paper print every other Friday and makes me feel like a real writer every single time.

I love those places. Together with this place, they’ve helped me find my writer’s voice. And they’ve helped me define what I want my blog to be.

I want a writer’s space. An author’s page. A site with a little encouragement, a lot of thoughtfulness, and a dash of humor. This is my place to brand myself in a way that lets me still be myself–in whatever way I feel that day.

So what did I learn from #31days?

I don’t have the capacity to post everyday. Writing is emotionally draining and this month alone I’ve written (and had edited) two short stories, two newspaper columns, and all these posts. There are status updates and tweets and all that Slack convo with my fellow Splicketeers. I’ve edited eleven flash pieces and articles, led my Word Weavers group, and drafted new versions of my info pages. I have to remind myself of all these things because I need to realize it’s okay for my blog to not be updated more than twice a week. And that’s about all I’ve got.
I bore easily. I’ve always known this but it’s even more evident when I have to stick to one topic in my writing. This is probably also why I really like short stories. I get to write one theme, one way, and then move on to the next round of folks rattling around in my head.
Sometimes I would rather watch When Calls the Heart or Friday Night Lights or Friends than write. And that’s ok. Writers are readers, that’s true. I’ve read voraciously my whole life. But you’ll be hard pressed to find a writer who doesn’t also appreciate a well-written television show or movie. This month my girls and I have fallen in love with the love story of Jack and Elizabeth, I’ve learned a few football terms from Coach Taylor and embraced my inner Tami Taylor with a pair of boots, and when I’ve needed a laugh, Central Perk has always been the place to be. The point is, when I indulge in the stories of someone else, I actually become a better writer.

and that .1? I really like reading other people’s posts. My favorite for this season of my life? Jessie Kirkland’s How to Snag an Agent. Real, timely advice for aspiring writers.

November crept in this morning. Here Sunday dawned drizzly gray, and a new challenge–the infamous National Novel Writing Month–buzzed through my social media feeds. I might be there, but I promise I’ll be back here with snippets of our days and in pursuit of my quest to Just Write Life.

31 Days: Fear

Overcoming the Fear of Not Good Enough: 31 Days

October 22, 2015October 22, 2015 Lindsey P. BrackettLeave a comment

I have this problem. Maybe you have it too?

I sometimes say yes to things because I fear no one else will. And because everyone is looking at me. Sometimes I say yes because I want to direct that play or write that post or read that book, but I don’t consider if I’m really ready to handle that situation in my current life.

Then I realize–I’m in way over my head and I’m not equipped to do this thing. Whatever it may be.

That happened when I took the position as MOPS coordinator for our local chapter three years ago. I had a new baby, had been staying home a year, had served already on the leadership team, was the only member of the sponsor church left on the team…of course I would lead this group because I needed it so badly in my own life.

It’s really hard to serve when you want to be served yourself. Just so you know. And I kept being told that God equips the called, rather than calling the equipped. While I do believe that, I also believe that sometimes God is shaking his head when I’m nodding mine.

I can look back on those two years of leadership now and see God’s hand. That he let me be a bridge leader that helped the group transition to the amazing ministry it is now–and not that it wasn’t great then. But He let me lead during a crisis time when everything felt unsettled and He let me see that even when I know I’m not equipped, He is. So he gave me people on my team who buoyed me up, met my soul-hungry needs for spiritual support, and helped me find where my gift truly lies.

It’s not leadership.

And I can be okay with “not being good enough” at that because I’ve found where my spirit truly quickens.

I am a writer.

Saying those words took a lot of over coming that big not-good-enough lie too.

I haven’t published enough.

I don’t have enough followers.

I can’t understand all the lingo.

No one’s really paying me to do this.

But I’m doing it. I’m saying it. I’m claiming it.

I’m believing that I am good enough for whatever I may be called to do with this gift. And I’m learning everyday that I can do more than I ever imagined.

I’d encourage you to ask yourself–is it that you feel “not good enough”? Or is the true wrestle in your soul coming from the feeling that you’re not where you’re supposed to be?

Because when we let ourselves be planted where our roots can grow deepest, that’s when we become strong and spread ourselves wide–

and are always good enough.

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My Friday Fears and Favorites (31 Days)

October 16, 2015 Lindsey P. BrackettLeave a comment

Today I fear–

that nothing I do is really all that significant.

that I can’t manage a blog and a life and a writing career all at the same time.

that my back injury won’t let me enjoy my sister’s wedding next week where I am sure to cry and not be able to get through my speech.

that I’ll never have a book deal or an agent or a professional career as a writer so I should just apply at Belk’s and move on.

that I yell too much at my kids and my husband but we’ll never be able to avoid therapy to deal with it all.

What about you? What’s holding you down as we approach a fall weekend that should be glorious, but for me at least, shows not enough margin in the schedule?

This post is part of my 31 Days series: When Fear is Crippling. There aren’t 31 posts because I fear overloading your inbox with ramblings that you just delete.

Oh, and when I’m really down, I listen to Tsh talk time management and fringe hours with Jessica Turner while I fold the laundry I fear will never end. Then I read this about feeling insignificant as a mom and I nod my yes and pour another glass of tea and face my fears.