gus · motherhood

Sometimes You Just Want to Quit

Last night I wanted to quit.  Just for a little bit. An hour, tops.  Just long enough for someone else to come in and put this squirmy, wakeful, fussy baby back to sleep so I didn’t have to be the one begging.

I just need someone else to do my job between the hours of 2 and 4 a.m.

Any takers?

I didn’t think so.

Truth is, it’s hard.  It’s hard to consciously suppress my own desires and needs and wants in the face of another who demands that the world revolve around him.  By world, I mean me, of course, because after all, what else is his world?

All I wanted last night was to crawl into bed and sleep undisturbed until morning.  Sometimes all I want is to eat a meal without someone in my lap.  Sometimes all I want is a new pair of TOMS but instead I buy dance lessons and Girl Scout dues and string cheese.

Am I the only one who thinks string cheese is expensive?

So I walked away.  For five minutes.  I put him in his bed and he cried and I laid on the couch and prayed he wouldn’t wake up his big sisters who are fond of telling me to just deal with him when he’s crying.

Well, I dealt.  For five whole minutes which I know is nothing in the realm of “crying it out” but at 3:23 a.m. you do the best you can.

Then, I picked him up and he snuggled into his favorite place between my chest and the crook of my arm and let me soothe him to sleep.  I crawled into my bed at 3:33.

So I guess a five minute “quit” wasn’t so bad after all.

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Sometimes You Just Want to Quit

  1. It is hard. I'm right there with you, for the last 16 days, I've gotten 2 uninterrupted nights sleep. It's tiring, exhausting, and some days are just hard. I always try to look on the brighter side, going in more positive, thinking, tonight is the night I'm going to sleep for 6 hours, it didn't happen last night, but I'm hopeful for tonight.

    Like

  2. I want to quit all the time and for a lot less than that! I find it remarkable when people have more than 1 child and keep their sanity. Bless you today and I pray for an uninterrupted night sleep to come to you soon!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s