On Being Intentional {My Search for Margin: Part 5}

July 29, 2013September 30, 2015 Lindsey P. Brackett3 Comments

For all my other posts in this possibly never-ending series on how I’m aiming for more white space and less smudges in my life, click here.

I have the best intentions. I really do. I love a list. A plan. A box that can be neatly checked off or better yet a strong black line through a finished task.

It’s just that I’m really so very bad at finishing.

I’m great at starting. Enthusiasm, energy, get ‘er done and all that. It’s why the start of a new school year was always my favorite time to be a teacher. It’s new, exciting, so many possibilities.

Kind of like my head full of blog and novel and ebook ideas that aren’t going anywhere because I can get started, but I can’t seem to get finished.

I like to blame all this on lack of time. Except I know incredibly successful bloggers and writers who also work full-time jobs or have more kids than I.

So then I like to blame my unfinished tasks on principles. As in, I’m investing in my kids right now so I don’t really have time to invest in anything else.

Yeah, that would work if I believed it. Truth is, I am investing in my kids and in being there and available to them. But I also quit a job that gave us another income and health insurance so that I could pursue the hearts of my children and the heart of my scariest God-sized dreams.

So, I’ve begun making one small change to how I approach my issue with time since that’s my go-to excuse.

It’s not about how much time I have; it’s about how I choose to spend it.

Time’s a currency. I can choose to spend it wisely on something that will set me up and get me ahead and make me feel that I have accomplished more in my day than just sweeping the floor ten times before dinner. Or I can choose to spend it on something that will give me a few fleeting moments of pleasure but leave me frustrated and guilty in the end.

So for the past couple of weeks, when I sit down to write, I have begun treating it like work. I make a list of what I need to accomplish and I finish it. Or I at least try really hard and make myself be intentional about trying to finish.

A couple Saturdays ago, Joshua stayed home and supervised room cleaning and I went to the library and worked intently for two solid hours. I actually set the alarm on my phone and allotted myself a set amount of time to finish my different tasks from compiling the posts I want to turn into an ebook on Embracing Motherhood to breaking down the play I’m directing this Christmas by scenes and characters. I felt so much better when I left simply because I had paid attention and been intentional about using my time wisely. I had finished what I had started.

So that’s my (not so) new revelation: to be conscious of the time I have available and to be intentional about what I want to use it for.

After all, nap time can be about more than folding another load of laundry.

Linking up with these lovely ladies. Check it out.

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On Loving Your Husband {guest post by Jaimie Ramsey}

July 26, 2013September 30, 2015 Lindsey P. Brackett3 Comments

About 18 months ago a sweet newlywed started following my blog, and her comments and encouragement have been soul-lifters to me ever since. Today, while I’m off trying to have quality alone time with my husband in celebration of our 11th anniversary, I’ve asked Jaimie to post here with what she’s learned about how we can love our husbands and build strong marriages. You can check her out over at Living in the Light where you’ll get spiritual guidance, great recipes, and lots of advice on building a home that’s rooted in Christ.

The source of all love—whether love between friends, between children and parents, or between husbands and wives—is God.

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God, and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:7-8

We know what love is because Jesus has modeled it for us. “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.” 1 John 3:16 “God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

God has described to us what real love looks like. 1 Corinthians 13 is a great starting point, although that kind of love is only shown perfectly by Jesus himself. Jesus said that the greatest commandments are these: to love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:36-40).

These Scripture passages all give us a great definition of what love is and where real love comes from. But what does love look like, practically speaking, in a marriage?

I haven’t been married for long—just over two years. But I have learned that love in a marriage does not necessarily look like I expect it to. Love does not equal romance. First of all, love is not a feeling: it is a choice. When we made our marriage vows, we promised to always choose to love the other person, no matter what the circumstances.

Loving our spouse means making the conscious decision to act in a loving manner toward them. I have found it very useful in the pursuit of this love to find out what my husband’s love language is. (If you haven’t read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, I highly recommend that you do so!) Each person gives and receives love in a unique way, and just because my husband and I love each other doesn’t mean we give and receive love in the same way. For example, my primary love language is touch. I need to hold hands with my husband, be hugged by him, and touched in other not-necessarily-sexual ways to feel loved. I also generally express love and affection through touch.

My husband’s primary love language is quality time. That means he values spending time talking with people, or doing things with them, where he and they are focused on their relationship and spending time together. Sitting in front of a TV together generally does not equal quality time. Neither is time spent together quality if the other person is distracted.

In order for each of us to make the other feel loved, we have to “speak” each other’s love language. My husband has to be intentional about touching me throughout the day (not hard for him to do!), and I have to be intentional about spending real, quality together time with him (sometimes very hard for me to do).

Learn to love your husband the way he needs to be loved.

Keep in mind, however, that most people receive love in ways besides just their primary love language. I feel loved when people do things for me (acts of service), like when my husband does dishes or takes out the trash without being asked. Some people like receiving gifts, others need affirming, loving words spoken to them to feel loved. Try expressing love to your spouse in a variety of different ways.

Some examples:

Spend time together doing one of his favorite things (even if it’s not your favorite).

Send him texts and/or emails throughout the day, leave a romantic message on his answering machine, or write a letter for him and leave it somewhere he’ll see it.

Speak well of him to others in his presence and when he’s not around.

Praise him to your children and to his family and friends.

When you’re planning meals for the week, ask him what his favorites are, and include them in your meal plan.

Buy his favorite food/drink/candy when you’re out shopping.

Find out something he’s been wanting for a long time and get it for him or do it with him (tickets to a big game of his favorite team? A new tool to work on the car or in the woodworking shop? A new fishing pole? A camping trip, just the two of you?).

Let him know you’re proud of him. No matter what your man does for a living, thank him for it, praise him for it, and affirm him in his work. Men really appreciate this, and most really need it, too.

This last thing is a big one. It’s probably the biggest. It’s one of the easiest things you can do. It’s also the easiest one to mess up. Ready?

Have sex with him. No, really. Did you know that when you’re willing to make love with your husband—and enjoy it—on a regular basis (at least two or three times a week), he’ll feel more connected to you, more energized, more sure of himself, and more confident in his work? This is the biggest thing you can do to boost your man’s self-esteem and confidence, to nurture your relationship, and to make him feel loved, wanted and respected. Please don’t neglect this. On the negative side, if you regularly turn your husband down for sex, or don’t make love with him often enough, your marriage will suffer drastically.

Don’t do that to yourself. Check out this post from the 4 Little Fergusons for some fantastic information and encouragement on this topic.

If you’re having trouble with loving your husband, for whatever reason, remember the beginning of this post. Love comes from God. It is a gift from him. The ability to love your husband is not something you have to find within yourself. It comes from the love that God has for you. Ask God for help loving your husband if that’s something you’re struggling with. He will answer your prayer!

Visit Jaimie’s site and show her how bloggers love 🙂

Linking up with A Proverbs 31 Wife.

cooking · http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · linkups · perfectly imperfect

Behind the Scenes with Blackberry Jam

July 23, 2013September 30, 2015 Lindsey P. Brackett5 Comments

yeah, so don’t let those pretty little jars fool you.

I did indeed make homemade blackberry jam yesterday. A labor of love for my husband. Seedless and old-fashioned canned and everything.

I also nearly burned the house down and have a blister the size of a dime on the base of my thumb to prove it. Because when you use a pot that is too small for 4 cups of prepared blackberries and 8 cups of sugar and one box of pectin AND a 1/4 of lemon juice and then you bring it to a “gentle rolling boil”, well, let’s just say it doesn’t stay gentle for long.

That pot of jam boiled all over my stove top and my hardwood floor and my kitchen cabinets. It scorched dishtowels and the innocent simmering green beans and my thumb when I tried to stop the bursting black mess on the burner by swiping at it with a sopping towel. (i know, i know, not my smartest move.) Finally a big cup of water and the box of baking soda kept that mess in check. In the meantime, the smoke alarm was going off (nice to know it works!) and my seven year old was hiding on the porch with the little ones.

Not my finest Pinterest moment.

But as I camped out by the sink with my hand under cold water and surveyed the damage, I managed a little survey of myself also. You see, I’m impulsive with recipes and directions. I don’t always read from beginning to end and I’m notorious (at least to my husband) for substituting ingredients because I didn’t check before I started to make sure I had what I need.

And in the case of the jam, I had an inkling (okay, a warning) that this would happen. You see, I had to bring the fruit and pectin to boil before I added the sugar. Which I did. And I noticed then that the pot wasn’t quite big enough. But I forged ahead because who wants two pots to wash when I can make do with one?

Or rather, who wants to wash two pots instead of the floor, the counter, the sink, the dishtowels, and the stove top?

I don’t think my stove will ever be the same. But then again, I might not either. I think I’ve learned a lesson the big-burning-blister hard way:

sometimes it’s better to slow down and actually follow directions if you don’t want to end up with a sticky mess.

And yes, I finished making that stupid jam. It might not set correctly. I think I false sealed a few lids. Oh, well. I’ll just make a batch of biscuits and it will all be gone in a week anyway.

Linking up with Crystal for the first time today!

Margin Mom · marriage

Taking Time To Be: My Search for Margin {Part 4}

July 22, 2013September 30, 2015 Lindsey P. Brackett3 Comments

For all my earlier reflections on finding margin, go here.

This past weekend marked eleven years of marriage for my recovering husband and I. Last year for our tenth, we had a new baby and an overnight at a fancy (and local) bed&breakfast. I spent a week reflecting on how quickly ten years had passed and how different real marriage is from the expectations we have that day at the alter.

This year, so far, there’s been nothing. No sweet post from me. No big surprise gift from him. In fact, we’ve barely had a moment alone to reflect on the past eleven years. What we’ve had instead was a day of gardening and preserving, a recurring bout of the stomach bug, and too much busyness for one summer.

Which is why, even though our motivation for our upcoming getaway was to celebrate our anniversary, at this moment, my only motivation is just to have some time away.

Away from the laundry room that smells like wet beach towels and old sunscreen.

Away from the dishes that are crusty with ketchup and sticky with Lucky Charms.

Away from the sagging couch with its nail polish stains and flattened cushions.

Away from the bedroom with its piles of to-do and boxes of old we can’t let go of.

Away from the bathroom that needs a new shower curtain and a better system for hair ties.

Away from the never-ending list of responsibilities and the constant connection to everyone.

Away from the four most precious gifts so we can remember that loving each other first helps us love them best later.

This week we’re getting some white space in our marriage. A few simple days alone.

I only hope the house doesn’t cave in from all I will probably leave undone in the interest of getting my priorities in order.

But marriage trumps laundry. Every time.

How’s the margin in your marriage? Are you like me and could desperately use some time to reconnect?

Linking up with these lovely ladies. Check it out.

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Belong {five minute friday}

July 19, 2013 Lindsey P. Brackett12 Comments

Oh. my. heavens. I stayed up late and joined the Five Minute Friday madness on twitter with #fmfparty. Can’t even keep up. And today Lisa Jo became a dual citizen of our country and hers and to celebrate she gave us all a piece of 1000 Gifts and had Ann Voskamp guest post.

Too much goodness in one day to not go to bed happy.

So grab five minutes of your day and join the fun. Ann’s prompt was…

Belong

Today she made a choice. She chose to belong to the land of the free and the home of the brave and she posted all these amazing photos on Instagram of waving stars and stripes and beaming folks and hugs all around. She chose today to belong.

I was born belonging here. No one ever made me take a test to prove my citizenship or swear an oath to believe in America. My rights were stamped on a birth certificate in a hospital in Dawg country and my anthem has always been more chicken fried than star-spangled.

I take it for granted this beautiful land and amazing freedom.

My kids lit candles tonight to eat their brownies by and out of the blue I started talking about that choice she made today and how it all comes down to the choosing. That we take for granted what we’ve been born with and had given us, but we take to heart that which we have chosen. That for which we made a conscious decision. That for which we found late nights and early mornings and perfect moments to understand.

That choice that Jesus puts back on us to give back to him. That choice to belong to the King or to belong to the world.

I chose a dual citizenship for now, but someday I’m going to the home where my heart truly lies.