31 Days Embracing Motherhood: Look {5 min Friday}

When I look at him he smiles back.  Always, invariably, big two little tooths winking at me, smiling.  I see his grin that spreads to his eyes fringed in lashes longer than mine and I snuggle him close and kiss and kiss and kiss all over those fat baby cheeks and I look again.

I can’t stop marveling at him.  He is beautiful.  He is perfectly and wonderfully made.  He is mine for this little while.

And for a time I didn’t know how much I wanted him.

I didn’t know how much I would need to have another baby to hold and cuddle and love and I never once imagined that this baby would be my only son, my calming force in the dramatic tirade of strong-willed girls.  I didn’t know how much I would fall in love with this baby whose gestation kept me in hiding crying in the shower crying out to God that I could never do this again.

I’m so blessed to have been trusted with this little life.

So I look at him. I drink him in.  He folds his hands in prayer when he’s sleeping.  He buries his face in the crook of my arm.  He looks at me and smiles and there’s a dimple in his cheek.

Just like mine.

I can’t stop looking. I can’t stop seeing the miracle.