Tomorrow I mark nine years on this journey toward embracing motherhood. Nine years ago I labored for over twenty-four hours and under the influence of drugs that were meant to give me rest but really only caused me to check out for several hours. I woke up with the feeling that I had lost a piece of my life, and I left the hospital two days later with a whole new piece of life bundled into the hand-embroidered homecoming gown of my own mother.
I left that hospital with seven pounds of tiny and the terrifying notion that I had no idea what I was really supposed to do. Within months I began a downward spiral that came to crescendo after the birth of my second baby girl eighteen months later.
I believed myself to be inadequate to be called a mother.
I lost my temper.
I lost my calling.
I lost my joy.
All in the midst of what is meant to be one of the greatest gifts we are given: the opportunity to love unconditionally and wholeheartedly.
My struggle was never with the ability to conceive and bear children, it has always been with the ability to realize that I am called to be their mother and not someone else’s.
In some ways, my story does bear similarities to those women who have questioned if they are meant to mother because they are unable to conceive. Which is amazing because that shows me time and again, that it’s not the ability to physically bear children that calls us into motherhood, it’s the embracing of that call and the patience and perseverance to see it through.
No mother should ever judge her worth on the number of children she has or the means by which they were given to her. A mother’s worth is far more than birth certificates and bloodlines.
Saying yes to motherhood is setting aside of piece of yourself in order to make room for a new part, that eventually, will fit you far better.
Sometimes we never know where that journey is going to take us. My friend Marcy has four kids like me, and her youngest is a baby boy, just like mine.
She didn’t physically give birth to any of them, but she’s birthed them through courts and paperwork. They are her beautiful story, and while I am still sometimes struggling with mine, she has embraced hers in order to share it with you.
Her book No Maybe Baby is meant to show other women and couples that they are not alone in their struggle with infertility. She offers comfort and hope with the desire to build a community for women who share this journey and can advocate and encourage one another.
//d12vno17mo87cx.cloudfront.net/embed/rafl/cptr.jsI am honored to be giving away a copy of her story to one of you lucky readers! Maybe this isn’t a story for you, because for many of us, it’s not a struggle we have experienced. But while statistics may show infertility rates are decreasing, my reality is that I can name more than one friend who has not been able to get pregnant, and I’ll bet you can too. So enter for yourself or for a friend and leave me a comment telling me where you are in your motherhood journey. It’s my hope and prayer that you’re learning to embrace your story.
Lindsey P. Brackett 