motherhood · writing

Big Little Lies, Milestones Testing, and Trump

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That shirt just says it all. Most of the time this little one reminds me that my only job is to take care of her. She’s struggled a bit these past few weeks.

Sometimes I’m not really sure what I think about this world we’re living in. Sometimes I just want to take my kids to a farmhouse out in the middle of nowhere and finally own that granola tag a college professor gave me years ago. Sometimes I want to keep them home with me where the only fear is that I might lose my mind if they fight one more time over a certain couch cushion.

Seriously, kids. There are FIVE cushions and FOUR of you.

But if I just retreat into our own little haven, I’d miss out on all the goodness that is interacting with live, three-dimensional people and telling my friend at the Farmer’s Market on Saturday, in between comparisons of kale types, about the latest book I read.

I’m supposed to be reading the Divergent series with my oldest, but we’ve both lost it on Allegiant and I’ve told her to stop because a) it’s just not that easy to follow and b) it’s definitely not appropriate for her. Line crossed. Instead I finished my book club read. We’re on a Liane Moriarty kick. So much so that we just had to make a rule that we wouldn’t read anymore of her books this year.

Big Little Lies was just perfect for this time of year and for this public school mama/former teacher who has had it up to here (picture hand over my head) with all the drama. We’ve never had a parent die at a school fundraiser (spoiler alert!) but if you want a good laugh at the caricatures of typical parents these days, read this book. It’s got a heavy, serious side as well and things are not always what they seem — for anyone.

I love, too, that it’s set in Australia and the glimpse into a different type of school system is fascinating. But you could pick it up and set in America, no problem. Just sprinkle in some labels determined by a test that ultimately means nothing.

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No, he doesn’t have a concealed weapons license. And he’s a thief because that gun isn’t his. But a sweet boy said he could keep it.

Seriously. The kids and teachers did everything they were asked. My kids got a special snack and a cute saying everyday (“We’re CHEERing you on!” with the bag of Cheerios). We fed our teachers muffins, and said prayers for their sanity, and whispered among ourselves about whether or not we should organize an opt out movement that demonstrates disdain for this test yet shows support for our teachers.

And the state of Georgia can’t get it together so that the results are actually valid. Which just goes to prove our students and teachers are so much more than a test score. They’re volcano builders and story writers and stage actors and creative mathematicians. They’re kids who grow up to form their own opinions about the world and all it has to offer.

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Sixth at state track in the 1600. She’s mad I posted this because she hates to be the center of attention. Guess politics aren’t in her future.

Of course, in America, what we have to offer now is Donald Trump.

I usually keep my political views to myself, especially since I don’t land solidly in any camp, and I’ve come to believe that my circle of influence doesn’t have to be large to be powerful. But I’m really not happy about this.

Thank goodness I don’t put all my hope in this world where we can tear each other down and forget to build one another back up. My hope lies in a place where we no longer believe the lies we tell ourselves, where we no longer measure our kids by their performance, where we no longer divide ourselves into two opposing camps of right and wrong.

And that’s a great big truth.

What are you reading lately? Did you kids take the test? And if you dare, feel free to talk politics, but I’d rather talk kale recipes.

faith · Guest Posts · writing

My Dreams Chased Away My Depression :: Guest Post with Andy Lee

Today it’s my pleasure to welcome the lovely and talented Andy Lee to my space. I met Andy at my very first writer’s conference and remember being in awe of this tall, beautiful lady with the wide smile and absolute persistence in the belief that someday her book was going to find a home. Well now, it’s sitting in my morning pile alongside my Bible, a thrift store concordance, My Utmost for His Highest, and a journal that needs some extra attention during my busy season.

A Mary Like Me is the story of strong women who walked with Jesus. But today, Andy is sharing a bit of her story. It’s not all that different from mine, and, I suspect, many of yours.

Blessings, friends. Thank you for being here.


 

I sat on the sands in a tidal pool of self-pity.

My cup of blessings overflowed, but I couldn’t shake the sadness. I’m sure sleep deprivation played a major role in my mommy depression, but that day as I listened to one of my favorite Christian artists, her words about dreaming streamed through my earphones straight to the pit of my heart.

As the tears poured down my face, I realized this was the key to my sadness. As a child, I loved to dream, but try as I might, I couldn’t recall one of them.

sad-505857_1280Before this revelation of lost dreams, my sorrow was a betrayal to my blessings. I didn’t want to hold onto my sadness and nurture it, but I couldn’t escape from the shadows. So, I had petitioned and wrestled with God, asking for forgiveness and questioning why this had such a hold on me. Why was I so miserable?

God always answers these kinds of petitions—the kind of prayers that beg Him to bring you closer to His will. His joy. His goodness.

Knowing the root of our depression is the first step to freedom.

In my tidal-pools of self-pity that life-changing day, my friend sitting next to me grabbed my hand and told me to sing. She reminded me to worship the One who made the waves rolling toward our feet and gave those waters their boundaries.

The sorrow didn’t immediately fade nor did the dreams appear at once, but day by day, as I worshiped and prayed asking God to help me love my blessings, I began to remember my dreams.

One summer a need arose for an aerobic instructor for my Bible study group. I had never actually led a class, but I memorized one Kathy Ireland routine; my nine year old daughter made a music tape, and I taught that same routine to the same music every week. We had a blast. About halfway through the summer session, God reminded me that this was once a dream of mine.

And that’s when I knew that God would be faithful to remind me of my dreams and open the doors in His timing and creativity.

One of my life verses became: Delight yourself in the Lord and HE will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4).

As the years rolled on, the Lord let me experience many small and big dreams. One of those dreams was to write a book—this story is part of it. It’s written to encourage women to follow their God dreams and calls.

Please remember:

  • Empty can be a good thing. God wants to fill us first with Himself.
  • If shadows of depression threaten, ask God to reveal the root.
  • Worship Him.

 

My dreams chased away the depression. What helps you when depression settles on you? Leave a comment to enter the drawing for a giveaway of a signed copy of A Mary Like Me: Flawed Yet Called.

 

Finding Purpose in our Dreams,

andy

 

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Andy Lee is a wife, mom, recovering people pleaser, speaker, and author of two books, A Mary Like Me: Flawed Yet Called (Leafwood) and The Book of Ruth: A 31-Day Journey to Hope and Promise (AMG). Her blog, Finding Purpose Beyond Today (wordsbyandylee.com), encourages thousands of viewers each month, and her morning Periscope broadcast, Bite of Bread, inspires those who join her as she digs into a Bible verse for the day. To invite Andy to speak at an event, or to find out more about her ministry visit wordsbyandylee.com.

 

 

Margin Mom · motherhood · writing

Why I Can’t Coupon,Wrangle Laundry, and Write a Book at the Same Time

This week alone my three-year-old dressed himself three times.

Each time we had to negotiate a change of shirt or shorts or underwear because he was dressing himself from the dirty laundry pile on the floor.

We ran out of milk, lunch meat, bread, peanut butter, and fruit all on the same day. I packed my kids cheese and crackers for lunch, fixed grits for breakfast, and promised them I’d try to go to the store. They’d been telling me for two days we were running out of food. (We have plenty of food. It’s just all in the freezer or requires prep more advanced than my six-year-old’s skills.)

I should also mention that the freezer is hidden behind the piles of clean clothes that haven’t migrated out of the laundry room yet.

I used all my brain power writing and editing yesterday morning so I gave up the idea of price matching and instead came home with the biggest jar of peanut butter I could find.

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I should also mention that at this moment Gus is eating powdered donuts for lunch.

People love to remind me I can’t do it all. Nope, I can’t.

People also ask me how the book is coming. Well, I’ll tell you. Pretty much everyday I hold my head in my hands and wonder how bad the reviews will be and why I can’t think of a phrase other than “tilted his head” to use in conversation.

I get a little sick to my stomach thinking about how I can never write as well as ________________ (insert name of whatever author I’m currently reading).

I wonder if the story is too idealistic, too flawed, too close to my home and heart. I wonder if my grandmother would be proud.

Then I start writing again and every now and then, I think, maybe it won’t be so bad. Looking forward to our annual Edisto trip helps. Planning interviews and excursions all in the name of research helps. Drinking iced coffee in the library while there’s a babysitter at home helps.

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Remembering that this the story God gave me–word by word, moment by moment, through the eyes of editors and friends and in the windows of my own heart–that definitely helps. My novel is about letting go, embracing grace, appreciating how every flaw in your past can make you who you are today.

Mine has certainly made me. And my present re-makes me every day.

So some things have to go. Like clean floors and big savings and making sure Gus matches. For now, it’s just enough that his clothes are clean.

amelia · faith · just write life · motherhood · writing

What It Means for Me to Live Prayer

IMG_6043In February, when I attended FCWC (which is really more retreat than conference and I recommend it wholeheartedly for introverted writers and harried moms who want to be writers), Robert Benson was the keynote speaker. I wrote a little about some things Robert had to say about hurry and life and living within the steps of the Ancient Dance.

Robert will tell you he is a little man but God is great. He’ll also tell you the Yankees are the only baseball team worth watching and if you dress like an artist people will believe you actually are one. Because of my proximity to the staff at conference, I got to spend a little extra time with him, and because I have a habit of putting my foot in my mouth, we had a good laugh together. We wound up in the same shuttle on the way back to the airport–over an hour of him and Eddie Jones (who is my publisher) talking church and baseball and publishing’s state of affairs.

One of those divine moments you have to watch out for at conferences where everyone believes God will place you where He wants you. God placed me where I could listen.

Robert has written a lot of books about life and Christianity but not about Christian living in the self-help sense of the genre. Don’t expect a how-to list and questions to work through and a Facebook chat group.

I purchased Living Prayer because I’ve been in a season of life in which I wrestle with prayer. Not just the action of it–what it means to pray ceaselessly or in communion–but what it means to pray and ask and receive.

Or to not.

IMG_2246I wonder over and over when we pray for healing and restoration and then say God is good when we receive those things if we could have received them without the prayer? And when we don’t, we say that is His will, so if His plan is unchanging, what is our purpose in prayer? What is the point?

Prayer, for me, has not been a rhythm, a stepping to a cadence my soul already knows. Rather it has been a beating and a brush-off. A way people had of offering comfort when what I really wanted was someone to rail with me, to hold me while I wept, to tell me that I am out of tune with God’s rhythm because prayer is not about what I can get but what I can receive.

Prayer is not meant to be the catch-all we so often make it.

People tell me God is so good when I answer their questions about my daughter’s health. I nod. God is good.

But my daughter is not healed.

She may never be, and that is our reality.

She compensates well and we move through our days and maybe I might call her physical therapist because her hip drop is back and her leg is very stiff and she cried the other night because her knee hurt. If her next MRI shows her lesion has receded, I’ll be surprised. If it shows a new spot of deterioration, we’ll still go through our every day and maybe see her neurologist an extra time or two.

And the only prayer I have is that God will show us how to live though our days.

I no longer offer petitions for her body or mine. I offer praise for every day that is better, for every moment that we are broken, for every set of hands that folds with mine. Then i get really quiet because Robert says we cannot hear God’s voice when we are too full of our own. 

And “it is our brokenness… that holds the key to whatever we have to share.”

There is a chapter in this book about Walking in the Dark. If you’ve never walked that path, perhaps you cannot yet understand. But if you have…

“Perhaps God needs me to pray so I can be about the business of laying myself and the people and places and things I care about on the altar.”

And that simple act is what I am learning prayer is. A laying down. A lifting up. A coming to the altar.

I’d love to have you join me there.

For more about what I’m reading, writing, and listening to these days subscribe to my monthly-ish newsletter.

faith · perfectly imperfect · writing

Don’t Borrow Trouble

Sometimes, and I hope this is no secret to those of you who read my posts regularly, I get overwhelmed. I struggle with unrealistic expectations of perfection and knowing my limits. But I’m learning, all the time. This past February, I met Ashley at FCWC, and we clicked over blogging, WordPress glitches, and being big sisters. She’s tech-savvy and smart, witty and wise, and a joy to bring to my corner today.

Oh, and she’s the reason I figured out how to add a Newsletter subscriber page.

DontWorry

Do you ever imagine the person God wants you to be?

My perfect self is more compassionate and kind; she’s a better daughter, friend, and wife; she reads her Bible daily, prays always, and is completely focused on God.

My perfect self is a pretty cool chick.

I’m not there yet.

The Process

I know this is who God wants me to be, and I’m working on it. But, while my salvation was complete the moment I believed, being perfected by God is a process, or a journey.

Like any significant journey, we can’t start and finish in one day. In fact, God seems to have a plan for how far we should go each day and what we should accomplish along the way.

This is great news! Why?

The Steps

There is a huge gap between who I am today and who I’m meant to be. When I focus on that gap, I get overwhelmed and want to give up. But when God breaks it into small steps and reveals each step to me as I need it from moment to moment…well, that’s more doable.

I didn’t have to be the perfect friend or daughter today; I just needed to visit with my mentor and call Mom on the drive home. I don’t have to publish a book today; I just need to write a few sentences each day.

These are small steps, but they’re part of the greater journey.

No Skipping Ahead!

Sometimes I get excited and want to skip ahead to what I think God has planned for my future. (I’ll get up at 5am tomorrow and read my Bible and pray and write three blogs and finish my book and….)

That’s how I get in trouble. Not only do I miss the lessons I was supposed to learn today but—because I’m not following God’s timing—I fumble tomorrow’s lessons, too. I end up bogged down in confusion, worry, and even legalism, all because I tried to get ahead of God.

Jesus said we shouldn’t worry about tomorrow, for each day has its own trouble (see Matthew 6:31). I think He meant that He gives us the proper portion of opportunities and lessons for each day—as well as the grace to get through them and learn what we need to know.

We don’t have to borrow trouble from tomorrow; we’ve got enough on our plate for today!

Be Encouraged

I encourage you to seek God’s will for you in this moment. If you’re trying to skip ahead to tomorrow’s plan, then stop. Don’t put more demands on yourself than what God is putting on you right now.

Be content to wrestle with what God gives you today. Then you’ll be one step closer to the person He created you to be.


AshleyLJones

Ashley L. Jones received her M.A. in Biblical Studies so she could learn how to dig deeper into God’s Word. She uses her blog, BigSisterKnows.com, to encourage others to see God as alive and relevant by showing how the Bible applies to their everyday lives. She brings this same passion to her other projects, including her current focus, Girls with Gusto, a Christian living book for young women on how to navigate the eight major steps of the spiritual journey. If Ashley isn’t working or writing, she’s outside taking pictures with her husband Robby, and their cat Sue.

Show Ashley and Just Write Life some comment love. We’ll get back to you because there’s nothing better than a good heart connection.