http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post · motherhood · summer

Mothering Mania

I think we’re heading into overdrive for the next couple of weeks.  School starts in sixteen short days and we haven’t been to the water park, books are coming overdue at the library, and the state park pass needs to hang on the rearview a few more times.

The van somehow needs to hold our camping gear, four children and their bicycles, and Gus’s travel swing next week when we head up to NC for a few days.

The laundry is a never-ending cycle and until today, I was on a cooking hiatus.  There’s just something about summer that doesn’t scream casserole.

It’s more of a “let’s just eat sandwiches at a picnic table after we hike a mountain” kind of season.

I love sandwiches with a garden fresh tomato.  I never really got the difference until I grew my own.  Amelia and I picked a bowlful of big red beauties today.

Yesterday we had a big girl day.  We bought new shoes and socks and headbands and bookbags and Annabelle said, “I think tomorrow we should stay home and not spend any more money.”

Most definitely.

We’ve been to the new dentist.  They weren’t happy about switching but insurance is a luxury you just can’t toss aside.

The flat screen tv was winning them over until Madelynne had to have a tooth pulled.  Infected since the permanent was coming in where a baby still was.  And she has to go back in a couple of days to have another one take care of and a filling.  Apparently, enamel is an afterthought for her teeth.

Annabelle is cavity free, but she’s the one I have to inspect each morning because she hates to brush.  So how does this mama explain the fairness of that?  Or that the tooth fairy must have been confused that Madelynne switched rooms because she forgot to come!  Tragedy.

MOPS is gearing up and my to-do list is a mile long and I must beg the question of why I do these things to myself?

The wall behind the computer is covered in diaper points stickers I haven’t entered in a month and today for the first time ever Amelia fought me about taking a nap.

Mothering is mania.  It’s full-out all the time and sometimes I just want a minute to catch my breath.  Sometimes I just need a moment to look at the tangle of brown arms and legs and indistinguishable heads that cover my couch and remember why I let myself be run ragged by this time every summer.

I’m tired of the little arguments and the emotional meltdowns and the constant running in the kitchen that makes me dizzy but I’m not tired of swimming at the gorge or playing at the park or filling up the plastic pool.

It’s mania, but it’s blessings.

Uncategorized

Beyond {5 minute Friday}

Small like the flutter of a hummingbird’s wing.

Tiny, really.

Tiny and big and oh, so very scary.

A baby’s heartbeat.  On an ultrasound.  Next to my IUD.  Outside my heart.

I cried and not in a good way.  I wept and wondered and went to my knees to try to understand.

When blessings become burdens the heart weighs heavy.

Until you get beyond.

He came in a rush on a clear day in the spring.  Head full of dark curls, lungs that swelled and filled and lifted his voice back to Heaven.  Beyond perfection.

Beyond my fragile belief that all would be well, he was.  He is.

Beyond what I would have ever imagined my life would turn out to be.

It’s Five Minute Friday.  Head on over to Gypsy Mama to join in the reflection on the word beyond.  Then write, just write, for five minutes flat.  Go!

Five Minute Friday


Uncategorized

She’s Naked Again

There’s been a lot of nakedness in my house lately.

Not for that, get your mind out of the gutter 🙂

Amelia has discovered that she likes to strip.  So she does it repeatedly. All. Day.  Long.  When I went out on the back deck to discover her skinny dipping in the kiddie pool under the watchful eyes of her sisters, she informed me, “I WIKE be naked!”

Someday it might not be so cute. Probably the same day she stops lisping, but for now?  I often have to leave the room so I can get the laughing over with before I return to stern-mommy-face.

“Amelia, you really should keep your clothes on.”  Please let me not have to repeat that when she’s a teenager.


It’s tough work raising little ladies.

motherhood

Just a Moment of Real

Yesterday I was all set to publish what I think it is a pretty good post about how much I’m loving this whole living-off-the-garden, whole foods, simply organic mindset I’ve got going recently.

But it didn’t happen.  Maybe later.

Today I thought I might crank out a top 10 post since I’ve got bunches floating around in my cavernous mind: top 10 baby products worth the investment, top 10 summer on a budget, top 10 ways to sneak vegetables into your kids’ food.

But I don’t think you all (and from what I understand there are more than 39 of you) blog readers hop over here just to read something that is, honestly, me trying to market my thoughts.

I didn’t start this for that.  Not that I won’t do it sometimes, we’re a one income family, remember?

But that’s not what’s real.  Really me.  Really what this blog is meant to be about.

It’s about my journey in mothering, my path that is sometimes rockier than those hills my mom is currently climbing on the AT in Pennsylvania.

It’s about the real stuff that’s lurking behind the images we post on facebook or pinterest.  It’s about the gunk that’s growing on our shower curtains, stopping up our drains, lingering under the toaster oven.

What’s real is that I melted on my six year old yesterday because I have let my kids grow believing that eventually (if they cry hard enough) they will get their way.

What’s real is that my own desire to have more has led to my children believing that we deserve more.

What’s real is that I yell, I scream, I cry, I throw things, and I certainly don’t greet my husband at the door with a kiss every evening.

What’s real is that I can’t get through writing this without having to stop to care for a shrieking baby, a panty-wetting toddler, and a demanding middle child.

What’s real is that my baby spends more time in his swing than my arms, so far today has been nursed at the city park and a Subway, and is lucky if I can remember his daily doses of zantac before the my-belly-is-on-fire screaming starts.

What’s real is that when my husband calls to say he’s on his way, we kick it into high clean-up gear.  What’s real is that I keep the living/dining/kitchen passable and the real mess behind closed doors.

What’s real is that I hide in the shower.

What’s real is that everyday I screw up my kids a little bit more and every night I ask forgiveness and pray that the grace that covers me despite my shortcomings will cover them.

What’s real is that they know I am real.  There’s nothing more humbling than asking forgiveness of your seven-year old.

They told me I was the best mommy last week. It might have had something to do with the Cokes I let them have, but it still made me feel good, because I believe that deep down, they really mean it.

Even when they’re driving me crazy.

Friday Five · marriage

When the One You Love is Enough {5 minute friday}

Ten years ago today I thought it was enough that we had the perfect, fairy tale wedding.  Blue chiffon on my bridesmaids, yellow roses in my bouquet, a full church, and a fabulous reception.  For that day, that moment, that time, it was enough.

It was perfect.

We had given no real thought to the future.  Neither of us had jobs.  Neither of us had set-in-stone plans.  Neither of us had given days beyond our honeymoon any thought at all.  All we had was an apartment, crates of wedding china, and degrees so new you could smell it on the paper.

It was enough for then.

And sometimes it’s enough for now.

Those aspirations of the newly married…we still haven’t reached them.  We probably never will.  Because those ideas we had of what would be enough were more than we could ever need in this lifetime.

Today we define enough by the groceries in the pantry, the socks on the floor, the toys in the bathtub.  Enough is counted in bedtime stories and sloppy kisses and dirty diapers and one more snuggle before the alarm sounds.

Enough is more than the fairy tale, the happy ending, the one perfect day.

Enough is when you get up every day and try again, and try harder, and love even when it’s hard and the home is in chaos and the kids are shrieking and the air has gone out again in the truck.

It’s enough that we’ve made it ten years and would do it again, over and over, everyday for the rest of our lives.

Five Minute Friday