Category: motherhood

amelia · motherhood

Random Acts of…Working Mom

Lindsey P. Brackett1 Comment

You know, this title is really inaccurate. I certainly was a “working” mom during the past 10 weeks, even if I wasn’t at an official place of business while I was “working.” That aside, this week marked my return to the world of working-outside-my-house and ended my unofficial time as a stay at home mom.

I really thought this day would never come. I guess I just thought April would stretch on indefinitely and that Monday morning would never arrive and I would continue my little routine of cuddling, nursing, loving on Amelia 24-7 with no interruption for reality. Of course I was wrong.
I cried. I mean the sobbing, snotty, blotchy kind of crying usually reserved for something truly devastating. I cried Sunday night when I washed and prepped all the pieces of my pump so I’d be ready to do that at work. I sobbed Monday morning when I left her at my mother-in-law’s and I broke down at school when a friend asked how the baby was. I arrived in the parking lot on Tuesday morning with a tear-streaked face but managed to get hold of myself when I walked through the doors. On Tuesday night my friend Chastity told me to suck it up and quit looking so sad. Apparently I was depressing others.
So, I tried. I smiled at Amelia on Wednesday morning when I left and she rewarded me with a big ‘ol dimpled grin. I made it through the school day thinking maybe life wasn’t so bad after all, but I crashed when I got home and realized I had coupons to clip, laundry to fold, dishes to load, and church to attend.
I think I might set unreasonable expectations for myself. Or unattainable goals. Or both.
Anyway, I survived. And so did Amelia. Even though she refused to sleep on Thursday night and I had a bit of a temper tantrum at about 3:30 in the morning. Did I mention we found out on Tuesday that she has an ear infection?
As hard as this is, I keep trying to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, I’ve got it pretty good. I only have to work for 22 more days (and only 19 of those involve students) before I get to have her all to myself again. Her and the Sissy Monsters who can’t wait for summer because summer means “we stay home with mommy and eat popsicles and go to the water park.”
I’m not sure why this has been so much harder than the past. Probably because she’s younger than the girls were when I left them. Likely it’s because me having to return to work was not part of the original “let’s have another baby” plan. Definitely because I think she’s the last and I want to treasure all these moments that I appreciate so much more because I really understand how fleeting they are.
We can do this. I’ve just got to re-establish our routine. Of course, once we get used to that it will be summer and routine gets packed away with the school supplies. And I won’t mind one bit to have to get used to being home again.
motherhood

Random Acts of…Staying Home

Lindsey P. BrackettLeave a comment

There’s a lot of debate in the world today over what (or maybe who) is better: stay-at-home mothers or working moms. I’ve been both so I think I have some pretty good authority on the subject. First of all, both are work. Somedays home is the easier job. Somedays being away from home is definitely easy.

So which is better? Here’s the answer. Neither.
That’s right. Neither is better than the other. It’s true. Either way you are sacrificing a major part of yourself, your family, your finances, your goals…..but isn’t that what being a mother is all about?
In the end, it’s about what’s better for you.
I have been blessed to have 9 weeks home with my new baby. Even better is that I have two older girls who have been in school for much of that time, so she and I have had lots of quiet times together. Even “more better” as my 4-year-old says is that I have had lots of extra time with all of them over these past two months.
But the “most better” thing has been having so many wonderful friends to share this journey with. There’s nothing like another mom to understand all the joys and frustrations of motherhood. Especially when that other mom also has a preschooler clinging to her legs and a baby on her hip.
After Madelynne was born I stayed out of full-time teaching and instead worked 4 afternoons a week at Sylvan Learning Center. Though I loved my time with her, I didn’t have a lot of mommy friends and we were contemplating a move anyway, so I didn’t feel led to find any.
I signed a contract to return to teaching full-time six weeks before we found out we were going to have Annabelle. She was well-timed for a teacher. Her March arrival meant I could take the remainder of the school year off and at the time, we thought I’d stay home again in the fall. But as much as I enjoyed my time with her, I was lonely for friends and adult conversation that wasn’t pre-recorded.
Returning to full-time work when she was 5 months old wasn’t too bad. We adjusted quickly and over the past four years I have loved my school and my ever-changing positions there. My girls have been loved and taught more than their ABCs by the sweet staff at Little Dreamer’s. We began to make lots of friends and to connect with so many others who were in this same place in their lives.
So I could really see myself at home with Amelia now, doing the actual stay-at-home thing of play dates and MOPS and grocery story runs in the early afternoon of a random Wednesday. My patience is ever developing and is somedays better than others (probably because I spend a lot of time reminding myself that one of the fruits of the spirit is self-control). The days no longer seem to drag by but are flying at a pace I can barely keep up with.
But the sacrifice I have to make right now for the ultimate good of my family is to return to work. I know this is definitely not “having it all”. I’m scared I won’t be able to handle it. I’m afraid I’ll resent my mother-in-law for her time with Amelia. I’m worried I’ll never be able to keep up with it all. Five weeks back and then summer vacation….and the fall?
We’ll see what the future holds. But at least I know Who holds it. The same One who will bring peace to my heart and provide for our every need.
motherhood

Random Acts of…Time Out

Lindsey P. Brackett4 Comments

Sometimes Mommy needs a time out too. And after a busy weekend and a difficult Monday, I decided this Mommy definitely needed one. However, it must be understood…

Mommy timeouts are not like children timeouts.
When you are a child, you are put in time out for calling your Mommy a “meanie” for the third time after she has taken a whole afternoon to let you play in the creek at the state park. This is also after she spent the few precious moments the baby wasn’t being fussy that morning packing a lunch for you.
When you are a Mommy you are put in timeout for wishing you had stayed home and kept the children corralled in their room all day rather than attempting to be a nice mommy who takes them places like state parks and Chic-Fil-A.
When you are a child, time out consists of sitting and pouting. You cross your arms and scowl up your face and glare because the world (i.e. Mommy) is SO UNFAIR.
When you are a mommy, time out means you send the children over to Mimi’s house for the afternoon and you engage in such stress releasing activities as a pedicure or a nap.
When you are a child and time out is over you exuberantly return to the world of play and before you run off to engage in some other activity that might return you to the time out position, you hug your Mommy. Because time out’s not nearly as bad as thinking Mommy might still be mad.
When you are a Mommy and time out is over you return refreshed and rejuvenated to that most important task of being a mommy who gets called a “meanie” for teaching your child right from wrong and good from bad.
So, yes, sometimes Mommy needs a time out too.