Supposed To

I don’t know about you, but I can sure drown in a sea of “supposed to”. 

As in, I’m supposed to be able to handle it all.  I’m supposed to be a good mommy, a dynamic teacher, and a loving wife.

I’m supposed to be able to wash the laundry, iron the shirts, make the dinner, mop the floors, brush the teeth, nurse the baby, comfort the crier…and still have something left at the end of a day for my husband and myself.

Supposed to.  Yeah, right.

I’ve really been struggling with all this lately.  Finding the balance between life and work and love and family isn’t as easy as a book or a magazine or a movie or reality TV makes it seem.  It’s really, really hard to ever feel like I’ve done enough, been enough, made enough to get to the next day.

I have absolutely broken in the past few weeks.  Thank God I have a fabulous CNM who checked my thyroid and is treating me for hypothyroidism triggered by pregnancy, which is in turn treating the post-partum depression my unfuncitioning thyroid triggered so severely. 

It’s too easy to think it’s all in my head and if I would just get it together and do what I’m supposed to and be as grateful as I’m supposed to be for the wonderful life I have, it will all go away. 

Actually, it won’t.  So now my supposed to list is evolving.  There are certain things I have to do.  I have to take my medicine.  I have to make time for me, for my husband, for my marriage.  I have to accept that my best right now is my best because I get out of bed everyday and trust that today will be better. 

I’m not supposed to do anything else to be a better mom.  I love my kids.  And that’s all I’m supposed to do.

One thought on “Supposed To

  1. i had this same moment…only i can't believe how it would feel with 2 more children! 2 cor. 12:9-10 truly helped me and phil 2. both powerful chunks of scripture to help us out. hope your meds help you out…i felt like a new person after about 4 wks on them.


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