It’s a monster alright. Starts with just a little thought and then tumbles out of control.
I never used to think of myself as a jealous person. Far too concerned with what others thought of me, yes. Too much of a perfectionist, definitely. Too hard on myself, all the time. But jealous?
That’s the struggle right now. I try to make a jokes out of it, but I’m afraid it’s getting out of control. It is really hard to be patient and wait on God’s timing and see others with all the things I want for our life. And then I think of how blessed we are in comparison to others and I remember that I deserve nothing. Everything I have is by His grace and I will never understand that what this world sees as inadequate, God sees as part of His mosaic for our lives.
And while I’m making peace with my lack of understanding, I’m going to try to remember His commandments and my blessings.
3 thoughts on “Little Green Monster”
an interesting post to follow your thankful thursday. sorry to hear you are struggling. we all do. it may seem minor, but although i don't lack for square footage or clothes for the kids, i often find myself wishing my hubby got home at a predictable hour every day or didn't work so many weekends in the ER. then i remind myself that he's doing what he was trained to do and i'm here to support that. i'm still praying for your opportunities on the horizon
lindsey, i struggle so often with this too. recently though the Lord revealed something to me…i was driving down the road coveting a friend's new car and cursing my own car my mind, when the Lord reminded me that everything i own is because He gave it to me and when i am not content with what He has given me, it is like i am spitting on His blessings for me.
just remember that “things” don't satisfy. that is a lie from satan that smells like smoke! i am praying for you as well. enjoy your trip to utah.
Ohhh I hate that the enemy has gotten a hold of you, but I completely understand. I continually pray for peace and contentment in my life and my family- something I have done since I was in high school (a great teacher taught me about contentment and it stuck- Thank goodness!) Our pastor just preached a great sermon on it too; you should check it out- http://riverpointchurch.com/media.php?pageID=14 It’s the sermon from 9/5/10. Clearly you get it, but it’s nice to be reminded what Jesus says about it every now and then. Love you and I’ll be praying for you.