If you’ve been reading my blog this summer you’ve probably heard me mention the book One Thousand Gifts or seen my posts mentioning Ann Voskamp’s blog A Holy Experience. You might even feel like I’ve talked about this, well, a thousand times.
But it’s never enough.
I’ll be honest with you. I’ve been down. Scared. Frazzled. Overwhelmed but underworked. Guilty. Mean. ML came over the other day and Madelynne greeted her with, “Mommy’s mad.”
That’s not a good way to be. And I can’t even name what I’m mad about. Except that I want more. More time. More money. More house. More life. I’m never content and the further I get from walking where I should, the nastier my soul becomes.
You see, I build up these expectations of how things should be and what will become. To reference a certain 19th century redhead, I build up castles in the sky and then fall into the depths of despair when they come crashing down.
Idealism isn’t wrong, but it can be a sickness. Like perfectionism. I want it all and convince myself I deserve more. And then I become so buried beneath the clutter I’ve consumed that I miss the moments I need.
The poplar leaves are turning already. I don’t think I’ve ever noticed them before. Usually it’s later in the fall before I realize the earth’s changed colors and I should find my sweatshirts.
These are the gifts I want to see. I want to give gratitude for. I want to delight in.
|542. Splash and Bash for the last of summer at church.|
|543. Belle giving the dunking booth her best shot.|
|544. Peeling apples for homemade applesauce.|
|545. All day they both wonder where their sibs are and have to be content with just each other.|
|546. She stole her sister’s apple. And then ate it. Core and all.|
|547. How marvelous when all this…|
|548. becomes this….|
|549. So we can enjoy this.
Cream Cheese Apple Bundt Cake
served warm on Saturday night…and Sunday…and Monday…and Tuesday….