What I tweeted with this on Saturday.
I think this pretty much sums up my life right now. #fourkidsischaos #hikingtowearthemout #gastateparks http://t.co/0CUX80kCsd
— Lindsey Brackett (@lindsbrac) February 1, 2014
It was one of those moments that made people call me a good mom. I took my kids up the road a bit to Tallulah Gorge State Park and then we hiked all 1099 steps all the way down and back up with Gus and Amelia taking turns in the Ergo.
People told me it was heroic. Not hardly.
Because truth is, in the four snow days prior I was anything but a great mom. I was the mom who lost it in the self-checkout line when one of the kids kept leaning on the scale and messing up the computer. I was the mom who didn’t get everyone dressed to go outside to play in the snow when it started falling on Tuesday afternoon because it was just going to be too hard to dress them and then deal with the mess. I was the mom who had to take make her third trip to the emergency room in a month because someone fell off the sofa and busted her head open and needed stitches.
Notice I didn’t tweet or facebook about any of that.
So Saturday’s hike was less about me doing something exciting with them and so much more about me just surviving. Joshua was working at the church all day and the four walls of our house were becoming claustrophobic, so off we went with a simple picnic and no plan other than maybe if we walked around the rim a bit they would take decent naps and I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about letting the big girls watch another episode on the Disney channel.
The stairs were not in my plan. Annabelle always wants to do them all, but her sisters always flake out when we’re about a quarter of the way down and so we’re forced to come back up. She’s always mad, I’m always frustrated, and Madelynne’s always crying. But for some reason on Saturday, the big girls had bonded together and decided we were going to do this.
That’s always the key, isn’t it? When something is their idea, they are so much more motivated.
So down we went. All the way. It was slow, tedious work with a toddler who wanted to walk and a preschooler who didn’t. But we made it, somehow, by the grace of God, I believe.
Because when we got to stand at the base of Hurricane Falls and look back up at how far we had come, Madelynne whispered, “It was worth it.”
It was worth it. The hardest journeys–they’re always worth it.
Motherhood isn’t easy. I have a lot of struggles with holding myself to unattainable standards that make me feel like a failure. I’ve been learning a lot of ugly truths about myself in the past few years as I’ve really tried to embrace motherhood as a calling and not just a situation I landed in and now must muddle through.
There are really hard days, days we don’t want to talk about or share about or hear about, but those days pass and what we’re left with is the view of how far we’ve come.
We had to climb back out of that canyon, you know. Back up those stairs, and physically, it was far harder than going down. But emotionally? It was so much easier because we knew now just how worthwhile the expedition was.
Warrior on, mama, as Lisa Jo would say. It’s worth it.
Linking up today with the brave community who tells the truth behind the picture.
oh, and here’s some more pictures of our day….
|The Tallulah River|
|Those arms around one another? That never happens.|
|Can you spot the paci? That’s right, he threw it into the canyon.|
|Proud of themselves.|
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