I certainly didn’t wake up a week ago, thinking, What if I die today?
I drank coffee with my writer-soul sisters and talked about a new book idea with my editor and mentor. I listened for all God might be telling me during this time away from my family. I heard him calling me to more–not to less. To something outside of just my career, to a greater good that He designed uniquely for me.
Something He no doubt planned for me long ago and has waited patiently for me to discover.
And no mistake about it, I believe God knew I’d reach a pinnacle last weekend, and He knew what waited on the way home.
Sometimes people come into your life and you can’t imagine they haven’t always been there. I feel this way about my friend Sarah. We met because we worked together at Splickety Publishing, but we are friends because God has knit our hearts together so intricately I can text her on a random day and find her dealing with the exact some issues of motherhood and teaching and writing and Christ-following.
There aren’t many people with whom I could go to the darkest and brightest places.
Last Sunday afternoon, a mere handful of miles from her home, we stopped in the traffic on the interstate and the driver behind us… well, he didn’t.
And in the week that has followed, I’ve battled fear and anxiety and elation and bitterness and joy and gratefulness.
It’s important to me that people get it–how horrific and frightening that moment was when the impact came and the car spun and we opened our eyes in the middle of the interstate with traffic still bearing down.
Because without grasping the severity of that moment, you might miss the power.
I’ve been a Christian since I was nine years old. But I’m not sure I was a believer until I opened my eyes last Sunday afternoon.
That time my husband had a heart attack or our journey through our daughter’s illness–I knew God carried us through those events. But I didn’t feel protected, I felt challenged. Expected to step up and live my faith. Even then, I still believed I had some measure of control. If this, then this. There was a plan, even if it was one I never hoped to enact.
I had no plan for Sunday afternoon. We were supposed to make carnitas and play with Sarah’s kids and stay up too late on our last night together before real life started again. And in less than thirty seconds, my plans spun completely out of my control–and were cupped and held safe in the capable hands of a Heavenly Father.
On the accident report, the officer marks all areas of the car that are damaged. Only two small squares aren’t marked on Sarah’s car. One is on the driver’s side. The other is on the passenger’s.
People prayed for our safety that day as we traveled. How often do we utter those prayers and not hear their power? We were kept safe.
My life is certainly not worth more than yours or theirs or the others who lost their lives on that same day in what were surely similar circumstances.
All I know is we were saved. And the driver who hit us spared the guilt of leaving six children without mothers.
And all I know is I have been given a gift–and there is no greater purpose than giving it back to the One who only gives good.